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Manchester UK

Library to introduce wellness session on ‘how to blow your fucking nose’

S’not always easy.

Following increasing demand, the Main Library have today announced that they will be introducing a wellness session on ‘how to fucking blow your nose’.

The decision comes after widespread reports that library-goers are apparently incapable of doing so.

In an inexplicable phenomenon, studiers appear to be on a nose-blowing strike, consistently attempting to sniff snot clumps back up their nose, instead of simply reaching for a tissue.

“It’s surpassed socially acceptable levels of sniffage,” one library attendant informed The Whip. “What we are witnessing now is a gravity-defying snot loaded suction, with devastating aural effects.”

Second year, Johnny Webber told The Whip that studying in the bogey-haven was such a distressing experience, that he has developed PTSD.

“I’ve been seeing a counsellor. Although it’s been kind of helpful, I can still hear the quiet gurgling of retracted snot when I’m trying to go to sleep.

“When I was watching telly I saw an anteater on the wildlife channel and it bought it all back. I nearly threw up.”

Alongside the explanatory session, the library will be handing out compulsory tissues upon entrance.

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