Popular student letting agent Digs Property Management caused consternation amongst the student community this week when they revealed their latest property: a literal hole in the ground.
The letting agent invited landlords, shareholders and a selected press pool to an exclusive Champagne reception in the middle of the Downs on a damp Tuesday morning with the promise of a “revolution in student housing.” It was here, after a short speech, that one of their staff dramatically pulled the tarpaulin off of the hole.
“We have come under much criticism lately for supplying a student with a dehumidifier after her ceiling collapsed,” the company said in a statement. “We’ve therefore realised that the ceiling and indeed the entire roof was a liability we were unwilling to pay to repair. “Besides, students love living with mould and damp, that’s why they choose us!”
The hole comes fully equipped with an ash tray, several damp sections for sleeping on and, of course, a deeper hole for a toilet. There has been widespread condemnation from students and SU representatives.
“This is a morally reprehensible act which represents the very worst of exploitative capitalism,” said one SU source “it is, however, entirely consistent with everything they’ve ever done.”
Landlords, on the other hand were delighted, and eager to invest. “I think I’m going to re-mortgage my house and use the capital to buy six,” said Bill Whithers, 60 year-old owner of four student flats and serial violator of the 1985 Landlord and Tennant Act, “then I’ll use the profits to buy another Range Rover.”
At time of press the hole had been signed for by six first years and a study abroad student.