Ask, “Wait, you haven’t found a house yet?!”
Make them think they’ll have to put an ad on Fallowfield Students’ Group and end up living above Cubo with a computer scientist, a horse girl, a psychopath and a Scandinavian Erasmus student who stinks the fridge out with fermented fish.
2. Tell them that the multi-faith chaplaincy is a ‘haunted’ multi-faith chaplaincy
Explain that all recognised religions have a ghostly representative ready for a holy spooking! As an added bonus, you can charge them £5 for guided tours.
3. Carve a pumpkin to resemble the face of Dame Nancy Rothwell
Make sure to really try and reflect her sad, miserable demeanour. If you can find a pumpkin that really doesn’t care about student welfare, then you’ll get the full effect.
4. Tell them that formative essays do count towards your grade
If they doubt it, try explaining, “It’s FORM-ative because it FORMS part of your essay…” – if they doubt you, explain that they wouldn’t know because they’ve not been here that long. You have.
5. Put stuffed roadkill in their freezer
To make it extra spooky, why not try and find some flattened Halloween-themed critters, such as bats?
6. Discreetly rearrange the fence barriers outside Yes in order to redirect the queue to Factory
They’ll see things…terrible, terrible things…
7. Trick-or-treat every flat in Owens Park dressed as £9,250 worth of debt
If you want to scare a Fresher, reminding them of the financial black hole that imminently awaits them is a sure fire way to success. For added accuracy, every time they look away, you have to get bigger.
8. Tell them that the Magic Bus has run out of magic, and that they will now have to pay £2.50 each way for the bus to uni
If there’s one thing freshers hate, it’s getting the bus and seeing everyone they’ve ever met. Couple that with a price increase to the cost of a normal bus in Manchester and you’re really spooking them.
9. Stand outside Stopford Building dressed as the grim reaper
Accompany this with making a gravestone with their name on and planting it on the grass outside the library. If it’s too dark, a burning effigy will do.
10. Log into MyManchester and change their entire timetable to different rooms.
Granted, on the one hand, it’s a bit
complicated. But on the other hand, you’ll feel like a super cool hacker like
the ones on the news. Mutter ‘I’m into the mainframe’ every five seconds for