Sadistic professor refuses to skip Grammarly advert
In what has been described as part of a ‘disturbing pattern of behaviour’, English lecturer Dr Emery Sprandle refused to skip the minute-and-a-half Grammarly advert before a forty second YouTube clip during his talk this Friday. Reports make out that despite audible groans of distress from the auditorium, the lecturer simply stood still, letting the advert run, like some kind of sick pervert.
‘Oh dear, I really hate these things, don’t you?’, Dr Sprandle reportedly chuckled, as a deafening American voice reverberated through the lecture theatre, extolling the virtues of the popular grammar correction software.
The sadistic monster was reported to hover the mouse pointer over the ‘skip advert’ button, before moving it away again without clicking on it, then fractionally adjusting the volume of the YouTube clip, then accidentally minimising the web browser, then opening system preferences, then returning to said advert as it continued to play.
Even as cries of ‘just press the button’ from a few plucky students started to gather in a bid to end the torment, Dr Sprandle remained obstinate, a twinge of pleasure registering in his eyes. All the while, the students grew more and more uncomfortable.
Speaking to The Whip, one student told us: “It was horrible, I felt like screaming. The sensation of watching the whole advert was what I imagine waterboarding feels like. One girl was still shaking uncontrollably by the time the lecture ended.”
Meanwhile, it was reported that Sprandle could be heard muttering “You will bow to me, I will break your will…” under his breath as he stood there, smiling.
The university has urged anyone who has been affected by this incident to email their personal tutor, with responses expected in around 6 months’ time.
- 1Greta delivers earth-shattering Motion techno set during Bristol visit
- 2Third year revises so hard that ‘chilled study beats’ becomes actual music taste
- 3Fresher dismayed to find cacti, scratch map and wall hanging not actually substitute for personality
- 4North London fresher’s attempt to start anew ruined as entire sixth form moves to Bristol
- 5Breaking: Theresa May starts filling out extenuating circumstances form