A student trick-or-treating her way through Badock today has told The Whip of her concern that she may now be in possession of both illegal sherbet and a virulent sexually transmitted disease.
“It’s a bit of a mixed bag, but I can’t say I’m surprised,” the anonymous student told our correspondent. “Badock’s always had a bit of an identity crisis, and my haul reflects that,” she went on, pointing at a mulleted shambles slipping out of a Merc.
“Oh yeah, this guy gave me the poster. I saw his room. Dingy. His mattress was gone. No desk. Only the tepid light of the laptop. I feel bad about it, I think he’d been using the poster for warmth. ‘Nice Zombie costume’ I said, but he just gave me a weird look and vomited a bit in his mouth. Was so glad to get out of there.
“I guess I can melt down the signet rings, or sell them to a collector. The sweets they gave me might be worth a bit too – bitter and definitely illegal.
“The real kicker is definitely the sexually transmitted disease, though. I have no idea how I contracted it, I just walked into the bar – and bang. Instant burning sensations and a potent sense of doom. That place is mostly microbial and possibly cursed.”