England’s rugby team have the opportunity to cement themselves in the history books tomorrow morning by becoming World Champions, whilst simultaneously resurrecting a snoozy Leeds fresher from their dormant daily routine.
Eddie Jones’ men have lit up the 2019 tournament so far, mixing attacking verve with bone-crunching defence and capturing the hearts of the nation, despite most of their matches being televised at the crack of dawn back at home.
The team’s success has seen them gain plaudits from all corners of the globe, but possibly the biggest compliment paid to the Red Roses this week came from Leeds student and notorious 9am no-shower, Miles Ruck-Moore, who has pledged to wake up at 6:30am on Saturday to catch the start of the match coverage.
Ruck-Moore boasts a university attendance record of below 15% so far this year and is yet to have been spotted on campus before noon.
“Well mate, it’s the bloody rugga world cup final we’re talking about here!” Ruck-Moore exclaimed as we caught up with him between a mid-afternoon slumber and FIFA binge.
In defence of his questionable attendance history, Ruck-Moore revealed his grand life ethos, “Look, it’s all about clear time management and prioritising ruthlessly!
“The uni should take note really. Big screen, check. Massive seating area, check. Replace the note-taking with chinnin’ dirty pints and I’d be there every morning!”