A recent UoM graduate who refused to take notes in lectures has become a conceited waiter at a local restaurant who makes a point of not writing down your order.
History graduate Ryan Williams decided in first year that the conventional wisdom of writing brief notes to refer back to later was far beneath his 58%-averaging intellect, and so in a time-honoured tradition of the pseudo-intellectual toss-pot, ditched the notes in favour of pretending to absorb information on first listen.
On achieving his hard-earned 2:2 degree, Ryan took to the world of work with his sharply-honed skills, pledging to never take down anyone’s order in the chain restaurant in which he now finds himself working for minimum wage.
“I know this is a pretty shit job but it’s just transitional,” the 22-year-old told The Whip. “I know I’m better than this, and I have to prove that fact to everyone I meet by showing my memorisation skills.
“I’ve only got a success rate of about 7 in 10 correct orders, and it’s a miracle I’ve not been fired yet. I almost killed one bloke when I swore he ordered chicken satay but turns out he had a peanut allergy.
“It’s alright though cause I think girls find it hot when I do it and this is definitely something employers will value when I start applying for better jobs.”