Freshers ensure they won’t remember, remember the 5th of November with white powder, breezers and shots

First year students across Manchester are making sure the demands of Bonfire Night nursery rhyme ‘Remember, remember the 5th of November’ are avoided by consuming large quantities of white powders, alcopops and shots. 

The Guy Fawkes’ Night poem – ‘Remember, remember the 5th of November; gunpowder, treason and plot’ – is drilled into British children from an early age to provide meaning to the otherwise pyromaniacal annual celebration of setting fire to and/or blowing up a bunch of stuff – but UoM first years, including Maths student Ben Fylde, are intent on forgetting its meaning.

“Bonfire Night is an establishmentarian commemoration designed to suppress and silence those who wish to see reform and revolution,” the Unsworth Park resident told The Whip. “We’re not going to support this Orwellian celebration.”

“Guy Fawkes was an anarchical hero and deserves more than to be immortalized in a childish poem supporting government dominance. So for that reason we’re getting absolutely trollied tonight. Bring on the booze.”

The Greater Manchester Fire and Rescue Service have warned revellers that alcohol and fireworks do not mix, regardless of your political beliefs.