“Can I not just buy you a pint?” Student shocked to discover landlord prefers rent

Swapping arrears for beers is a time old technique of the student scrimper. Owe a friend money for a taxi, a takeaway or toiletries? – buy them a pint. It’s notoriously difficult to argue with, the faux-generosity of the gesture, rather than financial accuracy, usefully wins out. You can’t put a price on friendship.

It appears you can put a price on temporary accommodation, however. Indeed, for one unfortunate cash strapped individual, used to rounding any debt below a tenner down to a reused plastic cup of Royal Park’s finest, the game appears to be up, The Whip can sadly report.

We were able to catch up with the man in question, second year Roscoe Finesse, frantically pulling the ingredients for a stir fry from his Calvin Klein’s outside Co-op.

“Shit, it’s always the ones you don’t expect it from that get you, ain’t it?” the visibly put out Accounting and Finance student began, “Darren the landlord just didn’t seem the sleazy type you know.”

In textbook fashion, Finesse even willing admitted to repeatedly ignoring the initially good natured reminders of his debt.

“I kept getting these emails, ‘rent due,’ unpaid rent,’ ‘please pay your fucking rent you dick,’ and whatnot, so I reverted to the classic cash for Carling trade off, and lo and behold, he just wasn’t having any of it… for crying out loud, what’s a few hundred quid between slight acquaintances?”

Our reporter was then left standing in the rain, as Roscoe rushed off to complete his daily printer paper heist.