National security win! UK terrorism risk level reduced from severe to substantial

The UK government marked a new development in the fight against terrorism this week, following the decision to reduce the United Kingdom’s terrorism risk from ‘severe’ to just ‘substantial’.

The news will no doubt come as a delight to those fearful of the risk posed by the struggling Islamic State group, whose liquidation has sparked rumours of an imminent takeover by Sports Direct’s Mike Ashley.

The Whip spoke to one third-year Bristol student, who wished to remain nameless, about the government’s decision: ‘This is such great news. It was the first thing I saw when I went on Facebook this morning. It’s just such great news that a terrorist attack is now likely, I’m absolutely over the moon! I think our police service deserve a bit of time-off after a tough few years.’

Despite the cheery news, experts have been quick to point out that a terror attack is still ‘likely’, though this is a likelihood the Home Secretary Priti Patel has reportedly described as ‘decent odds, to be fair.’

The reduction is risk level does not seem to have weakened the resolve of the authorities when investigating terrorist networks. A spokesperson for the Joint Terrorism Analysis Centre (Jtac) spoke to The Whip about what the decision means.

‘While the likelihood of a terror attack is now reduced, we are not resting on our laurels, and the intelligence services are concentrating their efforts on one small-scale terrorist cell that is believed to pose a particularly serious and credible threat to this country. Known as the RNLI, we believe the group’s name to be an acronym for ‘Radical Nationalist Lifeboat Institution.’

‘We have strong evidence that this callous, bloodthirsty and highly-trained terrorist network, comprised of volunteers, is hiding in plain sight in our communities, with the capacity to launch destructive naval-based attacks from Britain’s coastline at a moment’s notice. Make no mistake, this group is armed and dangerous.’

It would seem, therefore, that the UK’s fight against terrorist groups is far from over.