Fresher takes up smoking in last-ditch attempt for conversation starter

“Riz and fizz?”

Many first year university students struggle with the aspect of having to introduce oneself to their peers and follow up with an interesting topic of conversation. While a nonchalant ‘hi’ works for some, one University of Manchester fresher decided to acquire a cigarette habit in the hope that his desperate cries of “riz and fizz?” would just once initiate a quality conversation.

The Whip spoke to David Brown outside the library when he approached our reporters asking to spare a paper.

“Oh, thank God you guys are talking to me. Uni really is an insular clique-y hell. I didn’t make any friends in the first few weeks so it seems I’m now damned to a friendless eternity.

“I’ve started smoking 15, maybe 20-a-day, after lectures, in the club smoking area; if smoking is allowed, I’m there.

“I don’t even like cigs. If mum knew I smoked she’d kill me. But it seems the only way anyone will speak to you is if you stoop to their roll-ups-in-the-rain level and force a shivering conversation about the inferiority of menthol filters, whatever they are.

“I’ve amassed so many Rizlas now that I’m not sure what to do with them. I might start a charity for smokers in need, visiting club smoking areas and festivals and dropping them off.

“By the way, have you got a riz and fizz?”

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