Many first year university students struggle with the aspect of having to introduce oneself to their peers and follow up with an interesting topic of conversation. While a nonchalant ‘hi’ works for some, one University of Manchester fresher decided to acquire a cigarette habit in the hope that his desperate cries of “riz and fizz?” would just once initiate a quality conversation.
The Whip spoke to David Brown outside the library when he approached our reporters asking to spare a paper.
“Oh, thank God you guys are talking to me. Uni really is an insular clique-y hell. I didn’t make any friends in the first few weeks so it seems I’m now damned to a friendless eternity.
“I’ve started smoking 15, maybe 20-a-day, after lectures, in the club smoking area; if smoking is allowed, I’m there.
“I don’t even like cigs. If mum knew I smoked she’d kill me. But it seems the only way anyone will speak to you is if you stoop to their roll-ups-in-the-rain level and force a shivering conversation about the inferiority of menthol filters, whatever they are.
“I’ve amassed so many Rizlas now that I’m not sure what to do with them. I might start a charity for smokers in need, visiting club smoking areas and festivals and dropping them off.
“By the way, have you got a riz and fizz?”