This week The Whip has learned of one seminar tutor’s desperate effort to boost seminar attendances, by rewarding a student for turning up to not one, but two seminars.
The student in question, second-year Cressy Angelinos, was reportedly delighted at having received a flashy new badge-shaped addition to her lapel. The Whip reached out to her for comment on this rare accolade.
‘I honestly can’t believe it! How can I describe the feeling? Like getting a merit in school, but on fucking steroids. I’m so proud to be awarded this fetching new brooch!’
‘Prior to starting second year I had the intention of working a little harder than last year. In first year, I got a Bristruths top fan badge, no questions asked. However, this achievement – one of my proudest – took a whole 120 minutes out of my life. An amount of time I’ve never spent on anything, ever, literally.’
The profligate seminar tutor in question is Leopold Hooper, an arts and crafts enthusiast and renowned badge-giver-outer – he gave us his hot take.
‘As an elderly millennial – aged 35 – I never got these easy social media badges in my youth. I’ve also never had a History of Art student turn up to more than one seminar. I thought it was time to reward Cressy’s hard work and commitment… and her lapel was looking particularly bare! Not in a weird way, haha.’
‘Every papier-mâché creation and Jackson Pollock knock-off I could conjure up in my youth got sent first class to Blue Peter. My desperate pursuit for a hallowed badge came to no avail. I’ve been waiting almost two decades for a badge, and today I finally have my prize.’
Hooper’s decision has sparked rumours as to what students receive for turning up to 4 seminars, with suggestions including a 5-star all-inclusive holiday to Majorca or VIP tickets for Ed Sheeran at the Wembley Arena. Whatever exactly happens in that extreme situation remains a mystery, at least for the time being.