Now in the depths of November, it appears that the weeks of exchanging nothing but niceties with your housemates do indeed have their expiry date. The Whip can reveal that there have been numerous incidents in student households where tempers have snapped, and true colours have been revealed, to devastating effect.
Serena Shuttlecock is one such student, who was recently accused of verbally abusing her housemates and threatening physical violence, after it emerged that one of them had taken it upon themselves to finish a particular dairy beverage.
We caught up with Serena to try and see exactly where it all went wrong.
“The age of appeasement is over!” the wronged housemate announced. “For too long I have tried my best with these inconsiderate, insolent inbreds, but no longer. I am not a pushover and using the last of my milk because they were thirsty is taking the fucking piss.
“It was bad enough that I was already a victim of a heinous crime, to think they then had the audacity to tell me to ‘chill out’. Can you imagine? Use the tap you pilfering plebs!”
For fear of risking the yoga-enthusiast’s rage, we were only able to talk with the alleged ‘thief’ through their locked bedroom door.
“It wasn’t always like this,” the voice whispered, “she insisted that she was really easy to live with and used to be happy to do stuff like the washing up, claiming it didn’t bother her. But recently things have changed, and now we’re all walking on eggshells, terrified about what will set her off next.
“I borrowed her jumper without asking 3 days ago, but now I’m debating if I just burn it rather than risk the side portion of character assassination that would inevitably accompany my attempt to return it.”