1. Just throw them away
You know that thing you do with all the rest of your used packaging?
2. Put them in the bin
The Oxford English Dictionary defines ‘rubbish’ as ‘rejected and useless matter of any kind’, a good example might be you, after you applied to Oxford University. The wine bottle is you, the wine bottle is rubbish, you are rubbish, get yourselves both in the bin.
3. Dispose of them
Usually you pour the wine down the sink so you can use the bottle as a proud symbol of how much of a ‘legend’ you think you are. Consider switching things up by drinking the wine and disposing of the bottle instead.
4. Reduce, reuse, recycle
You recently gained the unfortunate nickname ‘Rob the recycler’ because you always tell the exact same jokes. Instead of trying to change your name completely, just change what it means. Sweep the halls’ kitchens of Hiatt Baker, recycling as many bottles as you can and making sure you live tweet the whole thing so your friends know to update the connotations of their mocking jokes.
5. Get rid of em!
If you can bear to part with them, some places will even pay you for your empty bottles. Use the money you make to fund a trip to the Echo Falls golf club in Snohomish, Washington. It boasts a rating of 4.3 stars, with one review stating “Impressive course, fun holes, reasonable prices”. Very tempting!
6. Molotov cocktail
Fill one of your empty bottles with a flammable liquid such as alcohol or petrol. Take a long piece of cloth, the fabric part of your lanyard will do, and insert it into the bottle so that it’s submerged in the liquid. Wait until the fabric is soaked through and then light the end, remembering to very quickly throw it in the direction of your least favourite flatmate. Chuckle to yourself for a moment and then go into hiding, knowing you’re a bit cooler than you were when you woke up this morning.