“There’s no fresh pasta?” Owens Park student confused by catered halls

Reports of confusion today emerged as an Owens Park student realised that fresh pasta is not on the catered halls’ menu.

Despite paying an extortionate sum for substandard housing, there is no culinary escape from the breezeblock hell in which History student Tom Banks lives.

The first year told The Whip, “Is there no God? First I have to live here but on top of that, all the pasta is premade! Why can’t they just purchase a pasta extruder?”

“If a catered halls cannot serve fresh pasta, to whom are they really catering? I think it’s a joke that uni expects us to bow down to their school dinner-standard food for £40 a week.”

Our interview with Tom made clear the absolute bewilderment that this has caused and, possibly, drawing attention to this issue ensures fresh pasta hysteria won’t strike again.