Digs blame excessive crying for student house flood

This week, infamous estate agency Digs have been responding to flooding complaints by laying the blame squarely at the feet of their tenants. “You just can’t blame us for floods of tears.” One house on Redland road currently submerged in over 2 metres of salty water launched a complaint against the agency last week.

Residents of the leaky property were reportedly not a fan of Digs’ Laissez Faire approach to maintenance. One particularly distraught tenant said that flooding had gotten so bad that she’d been forced to purchase a canoe in order to get from one end of the house to the other.

The Whip approached Digs for comment. Neil Niall told our correspondent in no uncertain terms that the company would not accept liability.

“Honestly these students can cry me a river – though it seems they already have” he guffawed. “The snowflakes are melting. That’s all that’s going on here.”

Alon Abed, tenant of the Redland house in question, was pleased to report that flooding hadn’t gotten any worse in recent weeks. “It appears as though the heating system is broken so pipes have now completely frozen over.”

Abed keen to look on the bright side was pleased to report the house now had its very own ice-skating rink right in the living room and that all the mould had been killed thanks to the houses sub-zero temperatures.

“I don’t mind the cold really – as long as I sleep in my coat it doesn’t bother me too much. My friends next door are living in a literal hole and have to pay £500 a week for the pleasure. Overall can’t complain!”

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