The huge volume of leopard print seen in the streets of Fallowfield has caused big cat poachers to flock to the Manchester suburb in droves, with the lack of game on arrival leaving them confused and pelt-less.
The gold rush of poachers from sub-Saharan Africa to sub-Rusholme Manchester began several months ago, after reports of a swelling in the leopard population of the North West reached other continents.
“We heard there’d been an increase in sightings in the area,” one poacher told The Whip. “I’ve been sat in this tree for three days and all I’ve noticed is a few hundred students attempting to demonstrate their unique style to indifferent peers as they navigate young adulthood.”
The WWF were also on hand to counteract the heightened poacher presence around Bar 256 in Fallowfield. They were reported to have discredited claims of leopard sightings, insisting instead that the only real predators at that watering hole wear chinos and a tie.
The Whip attempted to get a quote from one leopard-print-flares wearing pedestrian, but she simply claimed that, through her trousers, she had already made a statement.