Review: Epigram Wildlife Series S01E01 – Reptiles

Breathtaking, moving, harrowing.

Epigram, the ‘award winning’ source of high-quality journalism on campus has this week made a venture into wildlife documentary. Episode 1 features previously unseen footage of the lizard-humanoid species Lacertilia proditor (common name Hugh Brady) as it attempts to imitate the human emotion of empathy.

Viewers were captivated by the pasty skin of the organism as it glistened in the sun, slowing warming the blood of its cold heart. Stunning extreme close-ups reveal the creature moistening its eyes by blinking horizontally, as well as catching an insect with its tongue; behaviour which has never been captured on film before.

Narrated by David Ike, the programme was not afraid to confront the socio-politics involved in conserving these magnificent reptiles either. Greedy lecturers demanding better pensions and selfish students asking for increased mental health provisions are just two of the issues which threaten the very existence of Brady’s second house in Marseilles.

The episode exited on a hopeful, more optimistic note; a panning shot of Brady cackling as he guzzled blood through the eye socket of a former UCU member.

Tune in next week for Episode 2: Pigs, which will feature the UoB Finance Director rolling around in heaps of SLC money like the filthy neoliberal swine that he is.