Uproar as university proposes to name building after non-white male

The cheek of it!

In a landmark decision, the University of Leeds announced last week it would be breaking with tradition and naming its new drama and theatre building after actor Chiwetel Ejiofor, famous for his BAFTA-award winning performance in ‘12 Years a Slave’.

Alternative contender, Piers Morgan, infamous for his portrayal of an attention-seeking twat on popular sitcom ‘Good Morning Britain’, lost by a mere vote.

A number of students have since taken to Twitter to (anonymously) unleash their fury at the decision. However, The Whip was able to unmask one such online troll, a certain PPE undergrad by the name of William Whyte-Washley*.

“If Russell Group universities are reliable in any respect,” he began, wearing boating shoes and a tweed jacket, “it’s in their dedication and devotion to old white males, usually with a history of corruption and immorality. Roger Stevens, Micky Sadler, Charlie Mo, Eddie B, that Baines bloke, for instance, I’m sure they were all bloody top chaps.”

He added that, “I’m not racist, I love Idris Elba – but obviously he’s not right for James Bond, similarly we must respect these archaic and not at all prejudiced traditions.”

The interview sadly cut short as Whyte-Washley had to attend a meeting for the Grouse Society, of which he is president.

Despite the onslaught of complaints, students have managed to find one silver-lining, and are basking in the relief that at least it wasn’t a woman. A list leaked to Leeds Uni Tickets revealed not a single female figure was considered, which brought in several hundred gleeful “laughing-floods-of-tears-can’t-believe-how-hilarious-this-is” emoji comments.

*Since this interview, Whyte-Washley may face expulsion after photos surfaced of him doing blackface whilst purportedly dressed as Bob Marley during his gap year in Cambodia.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *