House-hunting Charles Morris student calls social services after viewing house without three-door Aga

Don’t blame her.

As the frenzy to find the perfect home for second year begins, Charles Morris freshers are facing the depressing reality that their student house will not be living up to the same standard as their ski chalet in Verbier, or even their second home in London.

The Whip caught up with Bella Bentworth-Smith, who is one such student still recovering from the painful realisation that Leeds’ Hyde Park is not in any way related to London’s billionaire playground, and the student houses on offer are more Fawlty Towers than Downton Abbey.

“I am honestly in awe that people can live in such conditions. When I asked about the possibility of viewing a house with a waterfall shower, the letting agent laughed in my face. The lack of an Aga was just the final straw, and I knew I had to take action before anyone else had to go through this horrendous experience.

“The third house I wouldn’t even allow my second-favourite au pair to live in – it didn’t have under-floor heating in the bathroom! It’s barbarianism at its finest.

“Honestly, the fact that Hyde Park is meant to have the highest rates of student burglary is shocking. What kind of self-respecting burglar would bother breaking into a house that doesn’t even have a conservatory?”

It remains to be seen if Bella will continue the hunt for her perfect house, or if she will just give up and start commuting from her converted barn in the peak district with a roll-top bath big enough to fit her burgeoning sense of entitlement.

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