Bristol UK

‘I’m planning to call my flatmate a cunt’ – student completes diss proposal

A first-class diss about a first-class twat

The dissertation is possibly the most important piece of work a student will complete in their time at university, so it is no surprise why the university places such importance on the initial proposal. Despite this, The Whip has recently learned of one student’s apparent misapprehension of what exactly is involved in a diss proposal.

When asked about the specifics of his proposal, third-year History student Simon Jones simply showed The Whip a Microsoft Word document simply titled ‘I’m planning to call my flatmate a cunt.’

The diss itself is intended to last just a few seconds in duration, and initial drafts suggest that it will take place in the kitchen at 3am following the escalation of a passive aggressive conversation over why they insist on playing drum and bass at full volume all night.

Simon has spoken candidly about the challenges he faced during his research so far, including the biggest challenge, a semantic one: “For a while I was really struggling to choose between the word ‘twat’ and ‘cunt’. I think ‘cunt’ has the bigger wow factor, but perhaps ‘twat’ would be a better fit within the existing debate as to how much of a dickhead my flatmate is.”

When conducting research for his diss, Simon proposes to make use of extensive primary source material, including both written and oral accounts from people testifying to the fact that his flatmate is indeed a cunt. “I’ve conducted interviews with all sorts of people, ex-girlfriends, Mbargos bouncers, and this guy he lied to about not having a filter at Lakota smokers before rolling a cig for himself anyway.”

With Simon hoping for first-class marks, we will be waiting with anticipation to see if his diss pays off.

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