“I’m so done” lies medium rare steak

After shocking reports of misrepresentation from Bills Bristol lunchtime dish, it seems us humans aren’t the only ones to indulge in the odd spot of self-promotion. A shifty steak described itself as being, in its own words “just so done”. However, upon further inspection, the mendacious main was found to be a humble medium rare. 

The former Belted Galloway and current £12.95 Ribeye revealed all to our bovine correspondent.

“You know, its just one of those slump weeks,” sighed the steak, “Just loads of deadlines, you know? Not to mention flat drama.”

The meat continued, “It was literally just such a rubbish day, you know? Came back from a stressful day at work and my flatmate £12.50 Sirloin just started bollocking me for no reason. Some shit about giving everyone E-coli. Total bullshit. I just knew I was done, no bones about it.”

However, Bills customer Daisy Redman thought differently when she cut into her suspiciously bloody meal.

“Quite frankly, I was disgusted by the deception on display at Bills that afternoon.”, she hissed, “I cut into that ribeye, expecting a delicate balance of crimson and light brown to greet me. I was in for a nasty surprise. Seeing that pinkish hue, the blood pouring out like the first plague of Egypt, the softness! I was incensed. Bills have just lost a valuable customer!”

When asked for an official apology, the sirloin refused, maintain that he “stands by what he said”.