Tumbleweed wins prestigious grad-scheme after blowing through deserted Careers Service

Ask many a student about their prospects for life after graduation, and an atmosphere of doom and gloom may well hang heavy in the air. The fact is, most people don’t have a clue. This week, one rolling tumbleweed has shown that all hope is not lost. Drifting with confidence through an eerily deserted Careers Service, it is pleased to announce that it has picked up a prestigious grad scheme opportunity to work for the one and only Glaxo-Smith-Kline.

Asking the enterprising ball of plant matter how they’d got themselves onto such a prestigious scheme, the breezy reply was that “I just got up and had a crack at it! For so long I was worried that I’d end up as a bar-worker or an extra in some lousy Spaghetti Western, but the University of Bristol careers service has really sorted me out!’

Following the advice of the industrious shrub, we went to the Careers Service ourselves. Crickets chirped as the pale, visibly malnourished staff welcomed us inside, beaming from ear to ear. Your correspondent succeeded in bagging an internship in the House of Commons, a fast-track onto NASAs astronaut programme and an OBE – entirely by accident.

The ingenious vegetation, meanwhile, claimed that it “couldn’t wait” to start working for the pharmaceutical conglomerate’s crack medical-test team. We wish them all the best.