‘Tis the season to be jolly, but one student household is certainly not feeling the Christmas cheer. The reason? A new affront from Bristol’s most tyrannical letting agency, of course. When signing the lease for a six-bedroom basement maisonette in Cotham earlier this week, infamous letting agents Digs presented them with a truly foul festive surprise – an enormous vat of ‘mould wine’.
As you may expect, this has not gone down well.
The students spluttered and groaned as they consumed with foul beverage – their excitement to be consuming a warm and slightly alcoholic treat swiftly making way for repulsion and nausea. One of the lease signers stated that he was “not amused” and refusing to give further comment. Another student was more forthcoming, saying that, while she had heard bad things about the letting agents, never did she expect them “to sink to these depths of depravity.” Five of the students were hospitalised immediately, although one is expected to make it out of hospital in time for the New Year.
Laughing maniacally, Digs’ head management appeared to show no remorse. “You should have seen their faces”, one young letting agent said, high fiving his colleague. When approached by The Whip for an official comment, the realtors conceded that “while our clients may not have been amused, we certainly were. We’re simply trying to ease them into their new living situation – if they aren’t prepared for a little mould they’ve got another thing coming! I just wish the tenants would be a little more appreciative.”
“Last year, we had a student let where the mould in a corner of one bedroom resembled the face of Nicholas Cage. Fans came from far and wide to pay tribute to the image of this cultural icon and made generous donations to the tenants for discovering this holy site. Now the flat was a residential and not business property, so we had no choice but to confiscate all earnings, and yes, it is true that the tenants developed serious long-term respiratory issues, but it still shows that mould can be a strange and wonderful thing.”
Clearly, this set of students won’t be forgetting Digs in a hurry.