Coronavirus mutates into average night out

The World Health Organisation have today announced a startling new development in the coronavirus crisis, confirming the feared coronavirus has mutated.

The disease, caused by the bacterium crappus mexicanus, is no longer thought to simply provide mediocre conversation and the shallow illusion of being Mexican – reports from China suggest the disease has the potential to lead to an average night out.

The virus is thought to make sufferers act erratically, such as trying to get into Mbargos in a last-ditch attempt to salvage a night out, and one eyewitness in the central Chinese city of Huanggang reported hearing victims murmur, “Should we just go to Brass Pig then?”

The mutation of coronavirus has led to a host of other medical problems – a spokesperson for the WHO confirmed today that the disease’s mutation risks patients falling prey to a host of other problems, such as the urge to get food on the way home, a phenomenon named ‘chipsanddoneritis’.

With the disease struggling to be kept under control, it is only a matter of time before it reaches crisis point.