Bristol UK

We talked to Computer Science students because they looked lonely and we felt sorry for them

“Why do you look so sad?” our correspondent screamed at a passer-by

On the first day of the new term The Whip decided to pound the pavement to give back to a much maligned class of students at the University — Comp-sci students. Call them what mean name you will: nerds, otaku, geeks (ed. don’t forget f***** virgins, that’s a good one) — it’s crucial to remember that they’re students who might — maybe, not definitely — have feelings and interior lives just like you or me. They look so goddamned pathetic and embarrassing that we wanted to have a chat with a few of them to make sure they know they’re still valued members of our university community despite how we all wish they’d just stay in their rooms and stop inventing multi-national tech conglomerates. 

To get our vox-unpops we went out to Comp-Sci hotspots to find some loveable creeps. The Queen’s Building proved a fertile hunting ground. 

“Why do you look so sad?” our correspondent screamed at a passer-by wearing a weird sort of Japanese looking T-Shirt (a classic comp-sci look). 

“Pardon? I don’t—

The poor guy couldn’t even string a sentence together. Too much screen-time we guess. Luckily our correspondent was on hand to help draw out a bit of personality from the saddo. 

“Enough of that bleep-bloop binary mumbo-jumbo. Here’s a cig. Smoke it. I’m also selling tickets to my mate’s night at Black Swan, safe, will sort you cheap list. Fuck it, you need the help, here’s a stamp. See you there.” 

“What? Fuck—” 

Poor creep! The dude didn’t even know what music was! He’d never even heard of it! He shambled off with the “SYNTHETIC BEATS” clubnight logo imprinted across his forehead without so much as a thank you or a “sound lad see you there gonna be class.”

Keep an eye out for these fellas. A little bit of love can go a long way to changing the lives of these humble folk. Be as friendly as you can, but don’t encourage them. Don’t make eye contact and avoid touch; and always remember that they are more afraid of you than you are of them. 

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