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World Health Organisation to issue ice cubes and slices of lime to those infected with Coronavirus

Calls for an intravenous vaccine have been largely in-vein

With coronavirus sweeping across the globe at an alarming rate, questions are being asked as to the effectiveness of the health response to such a crisis. However, a ground-breaking report from the World Health Organisation (WHO) suggests they have the answer as to how to finally put a cap on coronavirus.

Cubes of ice are to be issued as a matter of urgency; sore throats and dry coughs are amongst the most prevalent symptoms of coronavirus so they will be of paramount importance when it comes to easing the throat pain. Furthermore, the cubes of ice will help to reduce the high temperatures suffered by those infected with coronavirus, as the Minister of the Department of Health states: “why not have an ice-cold coronavirus?” Slices of citrus will also be distributed widely as they contain the essential vitamins required to supplement the immune system and are regarded as being the most sub-lime way of tackling such a devastating virus.

With rising numbers of infections, the government has extended Shanghai’s period of holiday by stopping people from returning to work until 10 February. In a recent statement, China’s health secretary voiced concerns that Coronavirus has no place in a formal working environment and infected people should instead “kick back with the bros, relax, and take a moment to appreciate ‘La Enfermedad Mas Fino'”.

Further medical reports recommend that people remain in a reclined position at home and, if possible, place themselves in close proximity to a pool of chlorinated water. This is due to the fact that the chlorine in the water acts as a catalyst for lymphocytes and neutrophils which are the white blood cells that operate in our immune system. Through reverse osmosis the chlorine is able to enter the bloodstream in the most efficient manner.

As it stands coronavirus is causing mass devastation and widespread outrage. Many critics are calling for the introduction for a corona-vaccine, but appeals for such an injection have been largely in-vein. As it stands, we can only pray that the international community doesn’t bottle it when it comes to coronavirus.

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