In a fitting and timely reaction to Britain’s long awaited exit from the European Union today, Continental Supermarket has announced its decision to rebrand itself as Sad Little Island Supermarket. Bar the odd flag waving lunatic, however, we struggled to find any students who particularly cared.
Eventually, however, The Whip did manage to track down a couple of passers-by in the street for comment.
‘I couldn’t really give one to be honest,’ said third year politics student Jennifer Shrub, ‘as long as they still stock all the classics: pesto, wine, quinoa and, oh yeh, fish caught in Dutch or Danish waters of course, then yeh, I guess I’ll probably be alright.’
Second year Johnny Haberdashery had an equally perceptive take to offer: ‘Yo, that’s today is it? Mad. Swear? Mad. Yo… Swear? They’ve been talking about doing that for time. Man, I do hope they continue to pursue a policy of strict regulatory alignment – the onions you used to be able to get in there were bad boy, fucking massive.’
From the newly renamed Sad Little Island’s perspective, however, the move has the potential to be a huge marketing success, with talk of Brexiteers driving in from a far as Halifax, Carlisle and Redcar to revel in their vision of a post-Brexit dystopia of bacon, eggs and strictly sausage based sausage rolls.
For one weeping Remonaer, though, the future appears bleak.
‘I’m just really worried about what is going to happen,’ she wailed, litter fluttering by her feet, ‘I just really hope that Hyde Park doesn’t go the way they say it will.
‘You know… become ravaged by wealth inequality, poor public services and a complete disconnect between liberal metropolitan students and the local population. Imagine? God forbid!’