Multifaith Chaplaincy to offer free Kool-Aid in latest giveaway
In the latest bid to increase attendance, Woodland Road’s Multifaith Chaplaincy has announced that it will be serving free Kool-Aid to all those in attendance this Sunday!
Following its change in administration earlier this year, the Chaplaincy has strived to provide a more all-encompassing doctrine for those looking to explore their faith.
As well as being a peaceful place to study and discuss spiritual matters, multifaith now also offers students the chance to ‘immerse themselves in the movement’ and ‘make the ultimate sacrifice for the good of the cause’.
Supreme Leader Xavier of the Exalted Blood is the mastermind behind the new rebrand, who hopes that offering incentives like this will attract a fresh intake of members.
In a statement he invited students to “Join us, and surrender yourself to the omnipotent holiness…”
Who said that religion had to be boring? Certainly not us!
One kind-hearted sniper-guard even allowed our ecclesiastical correspondent to speak with one of the lucky converts. They had this to say:
“I can feel it now… coursing through my veins… the power exists within us all and we cannot extinguish it… the light is fading now… I must join him…”
Get on down to the Multifaith Chaplaincy and claim your free Kool-Aid while stocks last!
- 1Greta delivers earth-shattering Motion techno set during Bristol visit
- 2Third year revises so hard that ‘chilled study beats’ becomes actual music taste
- 3North London fresher’s attempt to start anew ruined as entire sixth form moves to Bristol
- 4Fresher dismayed to find cacti, scratch map and wall hanging not actually substitute for personality
- 5Breaking: Theresa May starts filling out extenuating circumstances form