Fallowfield wheelie bins are “getting super tired of this bullshit, man,” reporters from The Whip can confirm.
After being battered by hurricane force winds for several days, and hurricane force freshers for several years, the rubbish bins of M14 are “ready to get out of this old town.”
“I’m really bummed man. The life of a wheelie bin shouldn’t be waking up on your side four times a week. We should stand tall, on our own two wheels,” one blue bin confided to The Whip.
“But instead we’re always getting kicked over by first and second year students who somehow still think drunken public disorder is funny at the age of 20.
“And if that wasn’t enough, I’ve spent the last three nights being blown around like a sheet of paper by Storm Ciara. I weigh nothing as a blue bin because all that’s ever inside me is old Domino’s boxes and soya milk cartons. It’s hard man. I can’t take it much longer.
“Brown bins have got it easy in this town. Always chock full of beer bottles and half-drunk cans of Red Stripe. I bet it’s a right old party. Only the strongest, most drunken, most rugby freshers can kick them over.
“I’m going to move to some place responsible where people recycle, like Chorlton. Cause it’s getting wheelie bad round here.”