We ranked the top 10 dogging spots on campus so Bristruths didn’t have to

Here at the whip we don’t hold the bar up and ask people to measure up to it. We don’t make judgements. We just let people be.

This think piece is no different as we are about to share with you our exclusive list of the top 10 places to shag this side of the A1474, compiled over several years of in-depth research and inquiry.

Uno.

Will’s. Obviously. It’s old, it’s huge, it’s problematic, all the things you want in a sexual partner and building.

Dos.

During your next Dramsoc audition. They won’t be expecting it, but they will love it. Cutting edge. Don’t try Spotlights, they don’t stand for that shit.

Tres.

If you’re looking for a more private location you might want to try Taboo, weeknights Monday through Sunday. You won’t be disturbed, other than by how stressful the music is; if you’re looking for a more appropriate rhythm try the dulcet tones of the Balloon bar.

Quatro.

Arts Complex, Woodland Road. Strikes are coming up, and those sexy seminar rooms aren’t going to fill themselves.

Cinco.

Cabot Tower, top of Brandon Hill. Classic location- views out over the entire city. Breathtaking. Only concern is you may get observed by dog walkers and pigeons, but depending on your preferences this may be an advantage.

Six in spanish.

Your own flat. A Marxist take on the doggers brigade.

Siete.

Bedminster Asda. If you walked all the way there, you deserve a treat.

Ocho.

Inside the model of Gromit in the Student Union. I know this may seem a corruption of your infantile love of stop motion entertainment, and a bit squishy, but it does the job just fine. ‘Well, I think we got away with that, eh Pooch?!’

Nieve.

The Queen’s Building. If you’ve booked a study space for an allotted time using the online system they can’t stop you.

Diez.

Coombe Dingle. The name deserves it. Also you’re bound to get fucked there one way or the other.