CO-OP introduces amnesty bins in desperate bid to encourage return of stolen food


Leeds University’s chief food retailer has launched a maverick store strategy in a plea to tap into the elusive consciences of shoplifting students.

From next week, large bins will be left outside the Union allowing the return of unwanted booty anonymously.

Named project ‘Petty Pilferage’, shop bosses have decided to tackle increasing rates of profit-slashing thefts by attempting to appeal to the charitable nature of fast-fingered looters.

Store manager, Jimmy Fixette, the mastermind behind the corporate’s totally-witty-but-hilariously-relatable campaign slogan “think twice before nicking that chikki slice”, spoke to The Whip.

“The idea behind the new strategy is that, in this day and age, we can’t be seen to be attacking or accusing people of stealing. It’s twenty-bloody-twenty and that sort of malarkey don’t fly anymore.

“No, we prefer to use terms like ‘borrowing’ or ‘loaning’. This is a new kind of woke warfare we’re playing, attack of the minds and staunch principles.

“Plus, d’you know how much a security guard’s bleedin’ hourly rate is! Now that is criminal!”

The move has been welcomed by students, with many praising the trusting nature of the university retailer as well as the resulting increased access to free food, now available to students without needing to even enter shop premises.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *