Wills student looking forward to dressing down for sports night

‘I practically look homeless mate…’

Residents of Wills Hall who had spent a lifetime adorning tuxedos, bowties and the overbearing stench of entitlement were reportedly ‘buzzing’ for the opportunity to be dressing down for Wednesday’s sports night by slipping into something casual, such as a shirt, tie and chinos.

The Whip spoke to UoB rugby player Jonty, A.K.A ‘The Machine’, who, after last week’s antics, was looking forward to an absolutely wild one with the lads this Wednesday. He had this to say.

“Sports night is the only night of the week where I can tear off my suit and flaunt my £20,000 trainers. I don’t know any other occasion where I could get away without wearing my trusty Gillette, crew neck jumper or my beige trench-coat”, Jonty guffawed, “but on sports night all the rules go flying out the window, as does our dignity and a little bit of vomit.”

One of the rugby boys, clearly having not received the memo, had turned up to Gravity sporting a pair of dress shoes. However, the chap in question, first-year William, was quick to reassure his mates that they were his fifth best pair, and so he was ‘practically looking homeless mate’. It therefore did not matter that Benjy had thrown up all over them (the absolute legend).

Richard quickly pointed out that “It’s not every day I get to hang up my suspenders and put on something a bit more chilled out. There I was, dressed like I was ready for bed, in a blue gingham shirt and the classic beige chinos, about to strawpedo 35 VKs and watch as Timothy, one of my mates from boarding school, is forced to shit in a cupboard by a couple of third years. Sports night is amazing!” Shortly afterwards, the boys were reported to have consumed their entire body weights in Jagerbombs.

It seemed as though all involved were thrilled that they had voluntarily partaken in a series of brutal and disgusting initiations and got to wear the ‘casual’ clothing that had been gathering dust in their wardrobe.

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