Fresher sends it, secures internship at Royal Mail

A University of Manchester first year has secured a desirable internship at Royal Mail after successfully sending it at AU last night.

After UoM Hockey’s decisive away win at Lancaster, second year students – well-versed in the art of sending it – gave every first year a bottle of port, lightly encouraging them to drink it all before the coach reached Manchester or face a freezing eternity walking around Fallowfield in nappies.

Josh Harrison, Hockey 2nds sweeper and 256 minesweeper, was among the freshers to successfully down their bottle of port, before successfully downing two more bottles at pres. At this point, a Royal Mail van passed Oak House and noticed how hard the Geography student was sending it, leading the driver to immediately contact the company director.

“I haven’t seen a send like this since I was at uni, and that was in the 90s when triples were 50p and MDMA was cheaper than sugar,” a spokesman for Royal Mail told The Whip.

“Josh absolutely crushed AU last night. Heard he pulled six birds and woke up in a bin in Didsbury. A classic send.

“At Royal Mail, we’re always sending it. We send 14 billion letters per year. We’ve been sending it for 500 years. We’re always looking out for the senders of tomorrow, and we believe we’ve got that here with Joshy boy. The legend. There’s an internship right here for him.”