Sound guy calmly sounding off about calm sounding pub

Last night, well-known sound bloke Marcus Compton, 19, is reported to have calmly voiced his opinion on Cotham Down’s popular watering hole, Steam, in order to persuade his safest mates to come on down for a little tipple. Afterwards, he planned to persuade them to accompany him to the Crofter’s Rights to a ten pound a ticket event exclusively playing orchestral renditions of Iyaz’s 2009 track “Replay”.

Our real-ales correspondent overheard his phone call.

“Sound — calm, yeah. Sound. It’s calm here. You not been before? It’s chill bro. Serves pints, n dat. By dat I mean chips n tings. By tings – by tings  I mean crisps. They serves pints and chips and crisps, yes.    

“Ye, come on, come Steam, we’re all here. Tilly, Milly, me. Ye ye — that’s us. The group that look copy and pasted onto the sofas from the squad pics of every Hiatt Baker block circa. 2010-now. Yeah. Bit listless, puffers and a bit of stubble, xans in the cans — oi oi! Haha.

“My thinking is — few bevs here, then down the Croft. It’s Replay as you’ve never heard it before. Incongruent, chin-stroking vibes. I heard Iyaz might be there himself. Heads only. Gonna be sick.”

Mr. Compton’s friends Jonty Bardo, 18, and Emmental Bobbins, 19, arrived within ten minutes of Marcus’ phone call. They looked young, happy and excited for a night on the town. They agreed with Marcus that this pub was indeed both sound and calm.

“It’s a bloody safe pub right. Calm. Come here matey, take a pew. There’s usually quite a lot of baccy in the sofa creases if you want a lil rummage.”