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Man joins literally everyone else with still somehow incredibly niche climbing hobby

Send it bro.

Will Waller has contacted The Whip to proclaim his adoration of his new-found climbing hobby, accompanying his other hobbies of wearing clothes and being alive. Formerly a sport exclusively of hippies and adrenaline-heads, now a sport of wastemen and wreck-heads, all climbing enthusiasts unite under two common predilections: loose-fitting clothing and the devil’s cabbage.

Waller fondly recounts how he discovered his love to flirt with vertigo: “I was feeling so trapped. I spent weeks just going between home and Wire: Wire then home, then back to Wire, then maybe uni – I’m kidding – back home then straight back to Wire, or maybe Wharf Chambers.

“My mood was dangerously low. I decided that I needed to get out the house and go somewhere that wasn’t Wire, so I got in my mate’s car for three minutes and went to Kirkstall. Lo and behold, when I arrived at the climbing wall literally everyone I had ever met was there. With their nans.”

Waller’s undying-dying-commitment to Cutter’s Choice leaves him reluctant to partake in any activity which is too aerobically-challenging: “I thought about joining the gym, but it wasn’t for me. And let me tell you, reaching the top of that wall is a sense of achievement I just don’t get elsewhere,” commented the Theatre and Performance student.

Despite the furious rise in the popularity of climbing, Waller went on to state how all who he tells continue to be impressed by its supposed quirkiness, “I still get the immediate response of ‘that’s sick man’. Then I proceed to tell them about my aching forearms until they gently fall asleep.”

The winter months have seen a seemingly ubiquitous uptake in indoor climbing; will summer yield a similar spike in the number of slacklines strewn around Hyde Park and accompanying hordes of loitering topless men? The Whip eagerly awaits the next infectious craze of gravitational defiance.

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