We live in a world where tragedy strikes every day, filling the news and the minds of millions with misery. However, here at The Whip, we say no to such destructive tragedy and instead we bring you something truly tragic: a naïve Wills student asking his drug dealer to sort him some Charles in a plea to look cool.
In an exclusive interview we spoke to Wills student Kenneth Duble-Barrole immediately after his debut correspondence with a drug dealer. When asked what he would get up to with the notorious bag he stated: ‘Rah going to snort some lines and shag some nines. Well actually, admittedly I’m still a virgin so maybe no shagging. Just snorting some lines and drinking some vintage wines.’ The student was also reportedly left confused after the dealer refused to accept either American Express or a Coutts banking cheque as payment.
According to the prospective dealer, who goes by the name Big Frosty, when a student orders a bag of Charles they’re not receiving your standard gram of coke. Instead they are given a bag of something extra special: salt.
We spoke with Mr Frosty who said this ‘Nobody can actually be that out of touch to think it’s called Charles. Clearly, he was looking for something above and beyond. Something that no other dealer will sell, so I decided salt was the best solution. Furthermore, when you sell a bag of Charles you don’t just charge for the powder itself, you simply must remember to include the service charge and not to mention VAT.’
The fact that hardworking, honest men such as Mr Frosty are so insistent on charging VAT demonstrates the true, taxpaying spirit of the nation. And it is this spirit that will spur on the nation to lead us out of such dark times.