Running has a long, illustrious history. Ever since local Athenian legend Philippides ran his epic 27 miles from the eponymous Marathon to announce the defeat of the Persians, long distance dashers have competed in leg based feats of derring-do. Your trusted correspondents here at The Whip would be all too happy to announce that Bristol’s own running club had assumed this mantle to bring such a proud tradition roaring (passing the baton oi oi? – ed.) into the 21st century.
Unfortunately, we are morally obliged to provide the public with the truth. That is our business, our raison d’être.
Believe us when we say that it brings us no pleasure to tell you what you are about to hear.
On the morning of February 24th, our reporters apprehended the president of the University of Bristol running club, Louisa Ritmo. Contrary to what one would expect of someone of her stature, she was walking slowly down Tyndall Avenue with a cup of coffee. Asked about her inability to maintain a reasonable pace, she responded with feigned confusion and after further questioning told us to leave, throwing bean juice and expletives our way. Further attempts to contact the running club yielded no information.
With budgets as stretched as they are, it seems perverse that the Students Union should be providing clubs that fail to fulfil their brief with additional funding.
As a longtime advocate of sporting excellence, this newspaper hopes that the situation improves more quickly than Louisa’s pace on the track.