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Expanding his horizons: cool club kid now ‘experimenting’ with drug induced depression

‘It just hits that little bit harder.’

 In a bid to expand on his party boy image, third year student Paul Rooney has announced that he is doing something that hits just that little bit harder: falling into a drug induced depression.

The Philosophy student is swapping the dance floor for the kitchen floor as he ponders the meaningless of life from the bottom of a K-hole. Rooney explained that he was initially hesitant to try depression, owing to a small amount of remaining serotonin in his brain.

But that was nothing that his  old pal Charlie couldn’t help her out with.

After a particularly harrowing existential crisis, the third year told The Whip that he would be swapping MDMA for SSRIs.

“Urghhhhhh,”he exclaimed. “I’d only started to get a little buzz going, but then I accidentally opened my third eye – and now it won’t stop crying.”

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