A primordial breakthrough unfurled in the rain soaked corners of Gravity nightclub last week. In a scientific feat that has not yet reached the wider Bristol rugby community, two first year props, slurring their words from a VK overdose, discovered a brand new element.
What did they name it? Fire.
In the smoking areas of various grotty pubs in university towns across this fair isle, it has emerged that rugby players have been deploying failed Flintstonian techniques to create ‘fire’. At universities such as Birmingham, Hull and Southampton, it has been reported that rugby playing students have been rubbing their studs together, urinating on teammates’ gum shields along with vile initiation rituals in just a few of the novel attempts to start ‘fire’.
One of the fire-starters, Freddie Blight, is a loosehead prop in the 4th XV.
“Maaate, thought I was tripping at first!”, he informed The Whip. ‘Me and Big Ben [fellow front-row forward Benedict Groblé] were there, in the corner, getting a bit wet, when we caught eyes, started rubbing our thighs, chanting the New Zealand Haka, and our damp cigs just started burning. I think it might have been a miracle.” Geography student and fellow front-rower Groblé (aka ‘Big Ben’) added: “I could not believe my eyes mate.”
Regarding the discovery, Groblés and Blight have been scouting for sponsorship and media coverage for their miraculous drunken discovery. A Bath-based restaurant, the Firehouse Rotisserie, have signed a season-long shirt sponsorship deal and Avon Fire & Rescue are featuring the two first-year barbarians in a social media ad-campaign.