Many concerned residents around Bristol’s Park Street area reported hearing loud bangs, the screech of rubber on asphalt and all sorts of aggressive noises this morning. However, it would appear that in this case the terrorists are entirely fictional. The source of the ruckus, we are pleased to report, is filming for the latest instalment of the highly successful Mission: Impossible franchise.
The new film – ‘Mission: Burrito’ – will feature world renowned actor Tom Cruise resuming his role as crack agent Ethan Hunt. For reasons unknown, the film is being made in collaboration with the Bristol eatery of the same name. The plot is rumoured to centre around a terrorist conspiracy to contaminate various Tex-Mex classics with a virulent nerve agent.
Director Christopher Mcquarrie expressed enthusiasm about the motion picture: “The confluence of the evocative urban landscape of Bristol, a regional cuisine beloved the world over, and of course the formidable acting talents of Tom are sure to result in a real classic of the genre.”
One local resident seemed all too happy to agree: “I really like both of these things beginning with “mission”, and I’m happy that the bigwigs at Hollywood have finally seen some sense. My excitement is inestimable.”
However, we also found someone with radically different views. They said that they would be steering well clear, citing their hatred of both burritos and “lame action movies,” as reasons for doing so. However, it would seem such miserable pessimists are firmly in the minority – and almost everyone we spoke to seemed dizzy with adulation.
As this story went to print, Tom Cruise had successfully abseiled down the Wills Memorial building and was preparing to kick some ass.