Coronavirus: First-years panic buying Fortnite skins

Reports that first years have started panic buying Fortnite skins en masse have mired stock markets in further uncertainty this morning.

It would appear that fears of the impact of the Coronavirus epidemic currently raging throughout the globe have caused the stockpiling. Responding to the news the World Health Organisation urged governments to take preventative measures in order to prevent the further breakdown of social order.

An expert from the International Forum on Infectious Diseases, Brenda Royal, warned that shortages of essential commodities such as loot crates, hats and “that wicked dance the backpack kid did,” would result if actions were not taken immediately to halt the spread of Covid-19.

Head of Epic Games cosmetics division Eric Sykes dismissed the reports: “Covid-Schmovid!” he stated to correspondents from the Associated Press, “No damn dilly-dally disease is gonna stop our factories from pumping out skin!”

However with civil society in meltdown, first-years across the country have expressed rising panic – despite attempts to allay fears. One nineteen year old who spoke to our reporters said that he had purchased 30 skins at once: “Some of my friends call me crazy,” he said “but I’ll be the one laughing when they can’t get their hands on those sweet garms.”

With Coronavirus seemingly here to stay, it remains to be seen how it will further continue to shape society as we know it.