With Coronavirus sweeping the globe at an unprecedented rate, you’d be forgiven for thinking that no one would have the foresight to self-isolate before the outbreak reached its peak.
However, our STEM correspondent was shocked to discover that an entire colony of engineers have been perfecting their self-isolation techniques since their arrival at university.
An anonymous 3rd year Mechanical Engineering student agreed to reveal his trade secrets to The Whip, under the conditions that the interview be conducted via his letterbox, and that he was provided with “one of those wicked voice muffler things” to protect his identity.
“We’ve always been one step ahead”, the student in question told us. “It’s just the premium way to live, none of those pesky things like friends or socialising to get in the way of my Python projects or Fortnite campaigns. Guess you could say that Coronavirus protection is just one of many lifestyle perks you get from still relying on your Mum to send you food in the post.”
Despite the seemingly luxurious lifestyle of the nifty engineer, health experts have warned that their avoidance of Coronavirus definitely doesn’t compensate for a diet of Flame Grilled McCoys, acute Vitamin D deficiency from not going outside for two years straight, or a wardrobe filled with 2010 Hollister hoodies.