Sainsbury’s shelves empty of rizla, filters and baccy as students begin to stockpile
As the rest of the nation battles disgracefully for the bog roll, students across Leeds have prioritised other goods as the apocalypse looms. The Whip caught up with several students who had travelled far and wide to their most convenient and overpriced supermarket, Sainsbury’s Local.
Second year student, Amber Leith, emerged from the supermarket, her backpack stuffed to the rafters with essential cigarette ingredients, imperative to student survival.
“Literally gassed, mate! We’re having a huge quarantine shubz in our mouldy basement this evening,” hitting a trifecta of selective comprehension of the respiratory-affecting virus itself, quarantine and stockpiling.
When asked, why she was stocking up on smoking paraphernalia and not something vital to life, like say, food, Leith explained: “I’m never outside Eddy B desperate for a can of baked beans, but I am always asking a stranger for rizla and filters.”
Poor Nick O’Teen arrived moments after Leith’s sweepstake – looking defeated exiting the shop with only two packs of slim filters and 30g of Drum.
“I seriously can’t be fucked to walk all the way to Big Sainsbury’s”, but there was still hope for O’Teen, telling The Whip, “I’ve actually got a number for some really dank super cheap baccy that my mate’s mate brought back from Lisbon, tastes much better anyway”, sauntering off to locate his alleged black-market goods.
Third-year English student Libby Nees, was picking up a different student commodity. Explaining to the Whip that she “literally needs hummus to survive,” clutching her 40 tubs, adding “and Doggo memes, obvs!”.
Swanning off, purple gradient hareem trousers adorned with elephants blowing in the wind.
- 1Greta delivers earth-shattering Motion techno set during Bristol visit
- 2Third year revises so hard that ‘chilled study beats’ becomes actual music taste
- 3North London fresher’s attempt to start anew ruined as entire sixth form moves to Bristol
- 4Fresher dismayed to find cacti, scratch map and wall hanging not actually substitute for personality
- 5Breaking: Theresa May starts filling out extenuating circumstances form