University opens new study space

As university closures mount across the country in the face of the coronavirus crisis, UoB has taken the unusual step of opening a brand new learning space in the heart of campus.

Known as ‘ass_librar.exe’, the building’s innovative design riffs on the blocky brutalism of the Arts and Social Sciences Library. We reached out to the team the University had tasked with the project late last night.

Cum_bandit32 waxed lyrical about some of his team members, “without whom this would have all been for nought”.

“We worked day and night – and, as you’ll know, the nights are dark and full of terrors. SquishyyxD was an invaluable security asset as the project developed. We were showered with arrow-fire, and strange creatures sought to sabotage our Source Cafe by like wandering through it and just, like, exploding. Suicide bombers.

“Top_3Gunkid maintained a healthy food stock for the crew, slaughtering the cows and pigs that had wandered into the building site. Helmets off to him.

“Mate_or_pal was our weak link – he got distracted by a deep seam of diamond that lay below the building’s foundations and started a one-man mining operation. Now he keeps carrying over lava in a bucket and pouring it everywhere, and obviously, he has got quite a big sword, so that might be a real problem going forward.”