Prince Andrew says he could not have given Charles coronavirus as he was ‘enjoying a take-away from Pizza Express Woking’

In a startling turn of events Prince Charles has been the latest victim of Covid-19’s militant war on humanity’s airways.

Yet the question remains as to how the Prince of Wales caught the virus. That well-known rag the Daily Mail have pointed the finger at Meghan Markle, suggesting she served her father-in-law bat casserole in the Buckingham Palace dining room in a plea to infect him and obliterate the royal family from the inside, one cough at a time. However, this claim has subsequently been debunked, as it was found she had been with her husband, Harry, giving him reading lessons from Roald Dahl’s The BFG.

Prince Andrew was also quick to leap to his own defence, stating that he couldn’t possibly be the person responsible as he had spent the past two days having, as he puts it ‘a non-stop pizza-athon lock-in’ with take-away food from Pizza Express Woking. While as difficult to believe as his claim that his photo with Virginia Roberts Giuffre was fake, Randy Andy’s alibi was widely accepted and the Commissioner of Police of the Metropolis believed the prince, adding that she believed Andrew’s alibi to be “As watertight as a Falklands veteran’s skin.” Who was responsible for infecting Charles? Perhaps we may never know. But The Whip wishes him a swift recovery and recommend, to ease his dry cough he gets in plenty of Throne & Chest Lozenges.