Bristol UK

Highly infectious strain of cabin fever sweeping the nation

Symptoms reportedly include making sourdough and shaving your head

Corona Virus, Acute Respiratory Syndrome of the hour and five-time Grammy Award winner, has reportedly given birth to a baby strain of cabin fever in her Surrey home last week.  The fever weighed roughly 7 ounces and has since become a significant breeder of content on social media.

Apparently Little Cabin has been wreaking havoc throughout the world, heightening tensions between university house shares and genetic house shares alike. The Whip decided to go Skype-to-Skype to understand the fever’s global effect, and to inspect everyone’s interiors.

We spoke to a neighbour, Belinda Belend, about young Cabin. “Yeah it’s just not like… acceptable? I dunno, I’m getting quite sick of it to be honest. I am running out of room’s to run out of. I am running into problems with my mother. You know what I’m not doing?”

Our reporters managed to reach out to renowned clinical psychologist Dr Ramira for an interview, while she was taking a well-earned break on Houseparty.

“This is indeed an unprecedented situation for the family unit, and interpersonal relations generally. Never before has the paradox of passive aggression become more apparent; something I’ve noticed through extensive research as well as at home with my Ramirascals.”

Cabin Fever’s misbehaviour appears to mimic fevers from forgotten eras. Luckily we managed to contact Old Willy, a local Surrey resident and retired pirate of the seven seas, to get his take on the matter. “Just what happens isn’t it. When you’re out there too long. The land’s mistress is the sea, the sky is his wife.”

Click here for Willy’s super tasty three ingredient Lentil soup recipe.

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