PM accused of passing political football to Rashford, and back to Johnson, who dinks it through to Rashford… AND IT’S A SCREAMER IN THE TOP RIGHT CORNER!

Many a football fan may be familiar with 22-year-old Marcus Rashford as a household name in the Manchester United line-up. However, many more were delighted to see him spearhead a dominant attack of a very different nature: saving free school meal funding for the upcoming summer.

The following excerpt is taken from The Whip Sport’s post-match commentary with our correspondents, Les Leslie and Clive Morley…

“So, Clive, your thoughts on that performance?”

“Well, I’ve got to say Les, that was certainly one of the most exciting passages of play I’ve seen during my career. Shall discuss the background a bit for our viewers?”

“Yea absolutely Clive; well the rivalry of ‘Conservative Government vs Child Poverty’ has tended to be a pretty one-sided affair. I’m sure our viewers remember the 1979 encounter when captain Margaret Thatcher lost free school milk during the clash. So, you can imagine how refreshing it was to see this unexpected late scorcher of a decision, not least scored by a completely unexpected player…”

“Usually this team are pretty comfortable passing the ball but have had much difficulty in putting points on the board. Captain Boris Johnson’s typical strategy when playing this formidable adversary is just to bumble through some press briefing using some irrelevant references to Pericles and wishing all the nastiness will go away just like David Cameron.”

“It’s interesting you mention that Les, because in that first half we were all a bit worried when Johnson looked like he was about to stop free school meal funding and kick the ball straight to the opposition.”

“But then suddenly, phwoar! You’ve got this bright young talent who gets subbed on, injects a bit of forward momentum into the game, and you got that lovely little petition exchange which ends with Rashford slotting it neatly in the corner, and free school meals being secured for the summer!”

“Clearly this is a man with a future ahead of him, but will we be seeing more of him in these encounters? This correspondent certainly hopes so.”