‘The government has really fucked it’, says student licking friend hello

Vira Lent, 21, has spent lockdown as a thorn in the side of the rich and powerful. An aspiring journalist, the politics student’s posts have been hailed for her criticisms of the easing of social distancing restrictions in the UK.

The Whip had arranged to take part in her Zoomposium this Thursday to find out what she had to say.

“Technical difficulties” including but not limited to “actually being quite bored of not seeing people” led to the symposium being held in person at her student flat in Redland.

It was chocka – Vira Lent had clearly galvanised a group of like-minded young folk to fight for her cause. Techno rattled the windows, a red-stripe was in every hand. Talk was impassioned and forthright: “These oldies don’t know what’s best,” “The government has really fucked it,” “Have a sip of this, it’s delicious.” This was politics, but not as we know it –  young, hip and thrilling.

We spied Vira in the corner of the kitchen, greeting a friend.

“Ah! Gertie! It’s been so long! Come here my dove.” She wrapped Gertie in her arms, and began to lick her face like a thirsty Lab.

“I’ve missed you babe. What’s that lipgloss flavour? Chocolate? Give us another taste.”

Spotting our reporter, she pulled her friend’s ear out of her mouth to give comment on what she saw as “an unprecedented omni-shambles. People’s lives have been lost. The Government better have a long, hard think about that.”

She took a sombre pull on her cigarette, which sent her into a full-on coughing fit for the next five minutes.

Eventually, she picked up a face-mask from the floor to wipe her mouth. Throwing it over her shoulder, she wheezed:

“It’s one rule for them, another for us.”