Students being locked up in Courtrooms claim there wasn’t a fair trial
Students imprisoned in Courtrooms Halls of Residence have protested the decision claiming that “there wasn’t a fair trial”. Completely unqualified Law students have ruled that Hugh Brady’s decision to jail over 300 freshers in the halls “is probably not legal” and “100% completely not cool, man”.
The freshers, in these otherwise underwhelming and uninteresting halls, have stated that they will not stand idly by as this complete miscarriage of justice takes place.
“It’s not fair”, Courtrooms resident Hugo Montefiore moaned. “We haven’t done anything wrong and now we’re being locked up without any chance of appeal. All I’ve done is throw absolutely mad parties, slept around loads – like an absolute legend! – and gotten utterly sloshed every night. I literally put the ‘social’ in ‘social distancing! All Hugh Brady can accuse me of is being an total lad and that is a cross I am willing to bear.”
“This sentence is just too long”, muttered another student, doing some dense reading for their latest uni assignment. She dog-ears her Derrida. “Oh, and Hugh Brady cannot lock us up for weeks on end — that is completely insane!”
Students in the residents have launched a ‘Law and Order’ campaign in order to pressure Hugh Brady to change his “totally not legal” decision. Unfortunately for the freshers, the ‘Law and Order’ slogan has already been taken, with NBC threatening a little bit of legal action. Consecutive jail sentences anyone?
- 1Greta delivers earth-shattering Motion techno set during Bristol visit
- 2Third year revises so hard that ‘chilled study beats’ becomes actual music taste
- 3North London fresher’s attempt to start anew ruined as entire sixth form moves to Bristol
- 4Fresher dismayed to find cacti, scratch map and wall hanging not actually substitute for personality
- 5Breaking: Theresa May starts filling out extenuating circumstances form