Students being locked up in Courtrooms claim there wasn’t a fair trial

It’s probably not legal?

Students imprisoned in Courtrooms Halls of Residence have protested the decision claiming that “there wasn’t a fair trial”. Completely unqualified Law students have ruled that Hugh Brady’s decision to jail over 300 freshers in the halls “is probably not legal” and “100% completely not cool, man”. 

The freshers, in these otherwise underwhelming and uninteresting halls, have stated that they will not stand idly by as this complete miscarriage of justice takes place. 

“It’s not fair”, Courtrooms resident Hugo Montefiore moaned. “We haven’t done anything wrong and now we’re being locked up without any chance of appeal. All I’ve done is throw absolutely mad parties, slept around loads – like an absolute legend! – and gotten utterly sloshed every night. I literally put the ‘social’ in ‘social distancing! All Hugh Brady can accuse me of is being an total lad and that is a cross I am willing to bear.” 

“This sentence is just too long”, muttered another student, doing some dense reading for their latest uni assignment. She dog-ears her Derrida. “Oh, and Hugh Brady cannot lock us up for weeks on end — that is completely insane!”

Students in the residents have launched a ‘Law and Order’ campaign in order to pressure Hugh Brady to change his “totally not legal” decision. Unfortunately for the freshers, the ‘Law and Order’ slogan has already been taken, with NBC threatening a little bit of legal action. Consecutive jail sentences anyone?

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